"ZIP YOUR LIPS: A PARENT'S GUIDE TO BRIEF AND EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION"
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In our practices, one of the comments we hear the most from parents is that they can't get their children to listen. Zip Your Lips is a guide toward brief, more effective parent talk. We need to instruct and guide our children, but how do we get them to listen? The answer is simple! Be brief. Be direct. Be positive. Make every word count. Say the message in a way that invites your little darling or jaded teenager to listen and consider. Eliminating a lot of yelling and unnecessary words will not only save years of strain on your vocal cords, it gives you more time to enjoy being with your children.

Each chapter presents a tool to help you gain cooperation from your children. For each tool, examples are given for pre-school, middle school and teenage children. Chapters include: Stick to the issue; Labels can be limiting; Lecture #537; "Why" doesn't work; How to say "No" and mean it; When to join the opposition; The 1-2-3 method; Saving face; Consequences and Choices; Listen and learn; The storytelling technique; The team approach when parents disagree; When nothing works; Praise is powerful; Phrases to eliminate from your parenting vocabulary; Phrases to incorporate on a daily basis.

Key highlights from the book:
Give yourself credit for hardest job in the world:

• Detach from the outcome of the child's behavior or path.
• Be a learner which means you are always evolving, no need for guilt over the past.

For positive communication:

• Be brief.
• Stick to the issue.
• Zip your lips as needed (e.g. no need to say "I told you so").
• Avoid repetitive lectures.
• When you say no, mean it and stick to it.

Use consequences and choices to shape behavior:

• As much as possible, tell ahead of time what the deal will be ("Here are the
  choices: you can do what is needed or here is the consequence, you decide").
• You can think of effective consequences, but children learn by repetition so be
  consistent.
• You may need to let your child suffer the natural consequence. This is the best
  opportunity to learn.
• Positive consequences are very powerful.

Since positive reinforcement is more powerful than negative:

• Notice and comment on the behavior you want to encourage.
• Use the "You can do it" approach.
• Use the storytelling technique to predict growth.

Listening to your child without judgment or interruption is crucial!
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"PARENTING WHEN YOUR CHILD IS AN ADULT"